Our Philosophy

Festina lente
-make haste...slowly

Thursday, April 26, 2012

I'll Have the Double Supreme Gordita, Please...I Mean, Now.

First off, why does the "new and improved" version always end up sucking worse than ever? I HATE the new blogger interface. When will it just be good enough? Why can't we just get used to something and keep it how it is?? I'm pretty sure I've gotten a decent nap in the time it took to get from entry to here, and, to be honest, I'm not sure the muse is lurking about anymore...In the words of Jimmy Buffett, "I don't want 8 ounces of watered down cherry coke for an extra 25 cents! I don't want that much organization in my life! I want...Junior Mints!! Where did Junior Mints go in the movies?! We need more fruitcakes! Less bakers! We need people who care!!"

Never mind that it's "fewer," Jimmy, not "less," this isn't an English lesson; I just get god danged tired of always having to learn new systems when the old one is almost always easier! I'm with you...keep it simple, stupid...

Went out to get my monthly debaucherous pizza from the local pizza joint a little bit ago and on my way in there was this huge lady, easily 300 lbs, and her sadistically-large son, tipping the scales at...oh, somewhere near my weight, let's say, 200+. I don't think he was 12 yet. That's child abuse in my opinion. Why can't we call it what it is?? People like her are dooming their children to sub-standard lives. And they had no choice in the matter. Why is that OK? Are we afraid of these people? I mean, it's not like they could catch us if we needed to run from them. Twenty yards and out, baby. Fuggedabout-it. Fatties aren't built for speed OR endurance.

Anyway, these two bohemoths were all of about 4 feet behind me on the way in, and I did the unthinkable. I dropped the door right on top of them. All I could think was, burn the 2.5 calories to open it yourself, chunky monkey. It's high time we stopped coddling your fat asses. I don't know if you know this or not, but global energy peak has come and gone, and every calorie you eat that you don't need is a calorie someone else doesn't get. We're overpopulated even without your excess, you lard-asses.

I understand that our food is 50% less mineral dense than it was 50 years ago, because of the way we are abusing our topsoil, and that making up for that loss of mineral density causes us to eat twice as much as we used to, but there are alternatives! Lots of folks are still thin out there. And it's not because they were "blessed" with better genes than you got. It's because they actively seek better food than you're eating. One of the hallmarks of "organic" is mineral density. Start there. Grow your own, buy your own, but do it organically. It's cheaper than eating McDonald's. Stop being lazy. Look into the matter. You're not a victim. Your brain isn't working properly because of your shitty diet. But that doesn't mean it has to stay that way, that it can't change. The planet can't afford your non-chalance anymore. The planet's people can't feed themselves on your table scraps.

Find another way. Jesus. Can we please stop accomodating these folks? Obesity isn't a handicap. You need to park at the very back of the grocery store lot, not the very front. Walk a little, ride a bike, dump the bun on your burger, do something. Just stop expecting everyone else to pick up the tab for your ridiculous behavior.

Rant off. Tripp out.


  1. Hello Tripp,

    I'm having a day where the rest of the human race is pissing me off too. You are not alone.


  2. Thanks, Dog. This post isn't really what my blog is all about, but I was drunk and needed to vent about a subject that really shouldn't be taboo. Now I need to bury this one behind something more my style...

  3. Tripp, I've only been following your blog for while, but it was easy to see the anomaly this post was. That's ok, I feel like I know you better now. I'm glad bloggers like yourself are taking the time to help inform others on the same path, and really like the depth and thoroughness you bring. ( I really empathize with the bonus tech rant also)

  4. when zombies attack, these people really come in handy. keep on the sunny side, always the sunny side. la la la.

    there will be an imposed skinnification in the future.

  5. This happy motoring consumer society is best avoided, but one can only do so for so long. In a similar vein, I've noticed when I go out on my biweekly/monthly shop-stravaganzas, that any time I see someone parking in/leaving handicap spots, over 85% of the time they are morbidly obese (yet only 5% of them use a hoverround/walker). When I have to haul enough that I need the motorcycle instead of the mountain bike, I always park in the first spot available, as quickly and as far from the big box/strip mall as possible. Nothing infuriates me more than the morons that continuously circle around parking lots/streets, endangering every one else's lives with their 2-ton-death-metal-coffins, trying to find the *closest* spot. Hehe, journey "back to reality?"

  6. Since I can tell you'd like this post to "go away", I thought I'd keep it going. I completely agree on the zombie apocalypse angle...they help the rest of us get away

    Having lost 50lbs, I realize now all the health issues that I was causing in my own life; my back was a lot more sore. I see people in my church who's health would be benefited if they would just push back from the table.

  7. Steve, thank you so much. I'm glad folks like are around to read about and potentially benefit from my antics!

    Chickory, bwahahaha! I hadn't even thought about that angle. More fatties please!! You know what they say: you don't have to be the fastest swimmer in shark-infested waters, you just can't be the slowest.

    Ix, I'm constantly amazed by your low-energy style. We are loving our new place in the mountains, and doing really well at the local market, but we are still totally dependent on automobiles to get it done. Tick tock, plant the crops...

    Heath, my brother, how the heck are you? So glad to hear about your impressive weight loss. I never knew how much health trouble was self-imposed until I dropped 35 and dumped the sleep apnea, the GERD, and some self-esteem issues. Good for you. Glad to see you around Small Batch! Love to you and your family.

  8. I am a 'fatty' myself, and although I enjoy much of the rest of your blog, you need to understand that addiction is the chains of choice for those now running our world into the ground.
    Our society is addicted to oil and cheap energy, our federal government is addicted to endless 'wars' on things like poverty and human emotions (terror), our culture and buisnesses are addicted to credit, our citizens are addicted to electronic screens - fake food - credit - overstimulus - etc.
    And this has been going on for _generations_ my parents and grandparents were feeding huge portions of fake factory food to their kids long before I had a choice about it I too was an addict, and addiction is not something most can kick overnight.
    I know I cant.
    But I can recognize my own addiction and while battling it I make certain my own child does not suffer the same addiction nor any for any lack. So I will take your vitrol with a grain of salt, but you should remember we are ALL flawed and only those who have true total power have full control over themselves in every way.

  9. Hi, Grey, thanks for the comment. I certainly don't mean to insinuate that I am without fault entirely. I have spent 39 years immersed in the American consumer culture, and it is certainly difficult to make hard choices when everything else being preached around you encourages you not to. I still drink more than I should, and I love to eat out, especially since our cooking and dishwashing facilities are pretty...um...spartan. But even with those remaining demons to deal with, I do my best to drink more locally, and eat at local restaurants that promote better food ethics than any chain out there ever will.

    What I want to convey most is a pattern of thought that steadily improves our lives and our local ecologies. It's all about the trend, right, and even a multi-generational trend in the right direction is a good one. So give yourself a pat on the back for pushing your child in a better direction, and keep on keeping on for yourself, too. Cheers.